Lies and More Lies

January 20, 2018

Now I find out that she’s spending the weekend with someone, but she won’t tell me who or where. She flatly denied seeing anyone when I asked, told me she would “let me know if there was anything”, but she didn’t, she hasn’t.

I told her that I just want her to be happy, that sleeping with someone else is the best and easiest way of drawing a line under a relationship… told her that I knew it was going to happen, so could she please be 100% up front with me and not leave me guessing – because that would be 100% fucking with my mental health.

She told me that my mental health wasn’t her responsibility.

So… my intuition is sharp as sunlight. I Knew something was going on, but she flatly denied it… then told me it was none of my business. I just can’t deal with this bullshit.

If the boot was on the other foot, I would make sure to tell her.

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Angst

January 19, 2018

Aw man. I just wish I could talk to someone. I wish I had some friends that hadn’t ended up on her side of the divide. I wish I knew where she was, what she was doing and who with.

I’m not jealous. I’m just so fucking lonely.

Too Much To Say

January 7, 2018

I started to transplant my daily Tarot diary onto here, then I realised it’s best not to. I gave a “no comment” interview at the time and, even though it’s difficult to attach this (anonymous) ‘blog to me IRL, I would be better off not putting anything anywhere that it might be found and used against me.

Just be patient. I’ll find out soon enough whether I’m going to court or not.

Options and Alternatives

December 31, 2017

What do you do when you can’t post honestly to your social media? I guess I’m going to put more on here for now.

My life has suddenly fallen apart. I’ll tell you the story soon enough. Suffice it to say that I can’t post how I really feel to FB any more, I don’t want to start putting stuff on ‘ello or any of the other soc.med. platforms that I signed up to and never used. Here seems to be the best place for it – since nobody I know actually reads it.

Paging Saint Anthony!

November 29, 2017

“St Anthony, St Anthony,
Give back what don’t belong to thee” (x3)

 

A lovely old lady taught it to me after watching me frantically scrabbling around under weight machines for a quarter to half an hour. She told me her mother had taught it to her and it never failed to return lost objects.

You see, I’d lost my wedding ring at the leisure centre gym, but didn’t realise until I’d got back to where I’m staying (which is conveniently just next door).


Then came the rush back to the gym and 15-30 minutes of frantic searching: moving machines, sliding a plastic knife along underneath the cable ducting. The instructor even got the manager to check the cctv – but it had been pointing the wrong direction all morning. She even took on the unpleasant task of emptying the bin of sweaty tissues and sticky energy drink bottles. Nothing. Nada.


That’s when the old dear taught me her family charm. I thought why not? Nothing else was working and my panic was just growing. I placed my palms together in Christian Prayer and said the invocation quietly, three times. Then got back to lifting and shifting.


Less than a minute later, in walks the Leisure Centre manager and immediately glances down to where the hinge edge of the closed door had been before he walked in. He bends down, picks something up and asks:


“This it?”, while holding it out like the One Ring. I was gobstruck.


I had looked in the corner. It hadn’t been there.


I turn round and the old lady is smiling at me,


“I told you it never failed!” she said as I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of her knuckles.


I was speechless.

Progress

July 22, 2017

I’ve just completed week 4 run 2 of the Couch to 5K program and last night I ran up 4 consecutive flights of stairs, taking them three at a time. Not bad considering that one month ago I was getting out of breath just walking up one flight.

Here’s to breaking the halfway point… not sure I even made it this far last time.

Get Fit QUICK!

June 18, 2017

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m attending Mick Coup’s Knife Management course in September. Back when I wrote it, I had the luxury of 6 months to get into shape. It’s now only about 2 months away and my cardio fitness is still terrible. I’ll admit that I’m having a minor panic.

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Knife Management

April 8, 2017

I’ve been lucky enough to sign up for Mick Coup‘s Knife Management seminar in September… I’m actually bricking it already, because I know it’s going to be the toughest seminar so far. Not just cardio and conditioning, but raw strength too.

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Tlaloc part 3

March 22, 2017

Well, that was good!

I was working at the studio, when I got a message that a stone repair was ready for collection. It was chucking it down, raining so heavily that on the hundred yards there and back I got completely soaked, even in my coat. Naturally my mind went straight back to Tlaloc. “Hail Tlaloc! Is this what you were telling me?” I asked out loud, “That it’s going to be a wet spring?” The equinox was two days ago, so now would be an appropriate time for a forecast.

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Tlaloc part 2

March 13, 2017

Despite being a day late, I decided to make a symbolic offering to Tlaloc – I just happen to have a small Mayan clay fertility figure, often buried as an offering to the Gods by those wanting a child. It’s as close to a child sacrifice as I’m ever going to get.

mayan_fertility

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