Posts Tagged ‘octsober’

Knock-On Effects

October 6, 2014

I should probably tell you that I have Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, since it’s a large part of why all of these events are happening. I was first diagnosed at 17, then spent the next ten years denying that it was a problem. This was seriously in error, so I spent the following ten years trying to control the outbreaks through controlling sleep, exercise, food and the avoidance of triggering situations (such as TV news, getting drunk or stoned etc). Finally, after a great deal of torment and violence, I admitted that I should give medication a try. It has certainly improved my situation, but there are still episodes where my symptoms have erupted… as you have been reading about.

This week, for instance, I have been displaying manic symptoms such as obsessional behaviour, emphatic (even strident) tone in conversations – pushing them into arguments, circling intrusive thoughts and self criticism, and intense irritability – being prone to flare-ups of shouting and anger.

Basically this is the aftermath of having been a) devastatingly drunk b) having lost control of my waking self c) having been violent which d) caused a severe ruction with one of the friends we were staying with… he has refused to speak with me, even be in the same room, opting out of coming for lunch with a group of us the next day. I did offer to be the one not joining, but even that was unacceptable. So, I’ve had that hanging over me as well.

That’s why, when we got to the restaurant for my Mum’s birthday, my wife quietly suggested that maybe I should take a day off from OctSober and have a drink, because she couldn’t handle my being so wound up and irritable out with the whole family.

She was right, having a drink did ease things, made for a more enjoyable day, but it also became symptomatic when I found it easy just to keep drinking after the meal, ending up on single malt right up until bedtime.

Needless to say I’m feeling pretty hungover today. I must have slept pretty badly too because I’m dead on my feet.

OctSober is back on, as is the no sugar thing (i had a dessert at the meal. Yesterday was a total wash-out), hopefully I can make it through to Samhain with only one black mark in my copybook.

Glitch

October 5, 2014

I’m sat drinking a rare single malt. It’s not my fault.

I fucked up OctSober at the first fence.

We all went out for my Mum’s 65th birthday and I was getting uber-stressed. Basically I have been ever since quitting alcohol and sugar. In order to make it through the Family Gathering I had a glass of wine… Which quickly became several, and have ended up with me sat here at home reflecting on my day while sipping a glass of (what would smell like some kind of) medicine (to the uninitiated single malt consumer)

Laphroaig. Hogshead. 9 years.

I’ll put another post up soon – not that I’m a “booze-and-violence” apologist, but I feel this goes a little deeper than surface indication.

Like: why do my brother and father not drink?

What is this fatal brew?

OctSober

October 2, 2014

Further to my previous post, I’m gonna take up the OctSober challenge. I’m combining it with another challenge to follow a particular lifestyle for 6 weeks… So, in addition to no booze, I’m cutting out refined sugar, attempting to meditate 5 minutes every day and follow a fairly unchallenging calisthenic/isometric work-out twice a week (in addition to the twice a week I train at the gym). Hopefully I’ll shed 3kg of overweight too.

The deal is that you write yourself a letter at the start laying out all your goals, then don’t open it until the 6 weeks is done