Posts Tagged ‘rage’

Power Word

October 22, 2014

Warning: extra long post

(tl/dr: I got it.)

Further to my previous post, I performed a ritual with the intent of gaining a power word to snap myself out of impending rage and into my magical persona. The ritual itself is outlined in the first paragraph of this article, which I preceded (and followed) with the banishing ritual given as an example here. Pretty basic stuff, really.

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Yet Another Flip Out

October 15, 2014

Morning school run today: Had a slight knock in the car (wing mirrors, smashed mirror in mine, took his right off), the other guy was driving way too fast in a school zone, I refused to accept liability. The dude was crazy and aggressive, refused to give me his insurance details, tried to intimidate and scare me and my wife (he terrified our 6y/o son, my wife managed to get him away and into school); when she came back he told her to “shut up” and to “know her place” told me to “shut my woman up”. I told him she was her own person, we were equals, I didn’t boss her she didn’t boss me. So he threatened to stab her in the eye, to get his “backup” and come and “get revenge”, to kick my car in, to generally fuck me up. Kept my cool until he opened my car door and tried to get in. Flipped like a switch, but only put him on the floor. Didn’t hit him or use unnecessary force. Rage Demon protecting me, my wife and property. He got garden shears out of his trunk and threatened to stab us, I said I was calling the police and he quickly stashed them back in his car – but they turned up anyway, since all his shouting and threats had made bystanders call them. Manitained my calm, dealt with the police in a matter-of-fact way. Got guy’s insurance details. Left scene.

Medication

October 11, 2014

As I already mentioned, I have rapid cycling bipolar disorder. On the downswing, in addition to intrusive thoughts and self criticism (including replaying of events and situations from many years ago), this leads to deep, dark depression – even as far as suicidal thoughts. On the manic upswing, symptoms include obsessional behaviour, emphatic (even strident) tone in conversations, suspicion and jealousy, magical thinking and intense narcissism. Unchecked, very little time is spent in any kind of level middle ground, the switching between the two poles being sudden and unpredictable.

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Darkness

October 5, 2014

This 6 week “challenge” thing that I mentioned is basically just the introduction to implementing a lifestyle based on training the body-mind-spirit complex. In other words, having the discipline to make it through the first month and a half *and* record the process in a journal is basically the entry requirement to a larger community that focusses on developing one’s Self into the best, highest, most fulfilled version you can; a personification and activation of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs

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